Go. Go. Go. Crash.

I guess I’ve always been this way.  Really, I don’t remember.  There has always been so much to do.  Jobs to get done, things to learn, places to go and people to see.  Back in college, I lived by the saying “I can sleep when I die.”  I wanted to do so many things.  I wanted to soak up life.  Grab it,really, and squeeze every bit if good out of it. 

My lovely MIL says that I go, go, go until I crash.  She’s right, by the way.  I hit the ground running in the morning and often don’t sit down except to type out the blog post I wrote in my head while I worked throughout the day.  When I finally find my bed, my eyes close as soon as my head hits the pillow.  Literally.  Sometimes, I fall asleep mid-sentence. 

I can’t really tell you why I do this.  Perhaps it’s a pattern of behavior learned in my childhood.  Part of it is my crazy curiosity and desire to learn all kinds of skills, be it crocheting, finishing drywall, gardening, sewing, or any of the many other things I love to try.  Some of my busy life comes from trying to keep up with 4 littles. 

Regardless of the cause, I’ve never seen it as a problem until recently.  It was just life.  Life is busy and I didn’t want to miss anything.  So, I go.  And go.  And go.  Until there is nothing left. 

And when kids get sick, things go wrong or cars break down, I’m sunk.  I have no reserves.  I’ve extended myself to the max.  I have too much to do in too little time.  I’m living life very much on the edge.  Suddenly, I find that I don’t really like that. 

Am I getting old?  Don’t answer that. 

I don’t want to live this way.

I want to slow it down.  I want to simplify what I can.  I want to create a home where we work together and play together and even rest together.  I want to spend more evenings out on the porch swing.  Well, not right now in the freezing weather…  I want to visit some of the older folks in the family.  I want to listen to their stories.  I want my kids to hear the stories of our family, the stories of those who are gone.  I want to go on picnics.  Well, not right now… You know.  You get the idea, though, don’t you?

Old habits are hard to break, or so they say.  I’m finding it difficult to slow down life.  Simplifying isn’t so simple.  Just what do you say no to?  The laundry?  Oh how I wish I could say no to the laundry!  

We are slowly slowing down.  The momentum is so hard to stop.  The load we carry is heavy. 

Some things in our lives just need to be jettisoned.  The bulky, hard to carry stuff that adds little worth needs to be thrown overboard so our ship doesn’t sink. 

Momma needs some time to slow down.  To rest.  To be still.  To enjoy long conversations with her honey.  To take walks through the woods.  To put together puzzles with her littles.  To drink coffee with her friends.  To paint her toenails. 

Ahem…

What have you been brave enough to throw overboard? 

 

Thanks for stopping by.

Fatima