Quitter

It’s tempting to say I’m in a season of quitting. So much of who I am recoils at the thought of quitting. Anything. Anytime. For any reason.

But perhaps, that isn’t fair. Maybe it’s this misguided notion that one should persevere through come what may and never falter and never show weakness. Just push and stretch a little harder until you make it. Sometimes, we don’t even know what we are “making it” to.

And perhaps, I am making excuses…

I just quit a big thing, a long-held commitment and position. Stepping down is hard. It hurts. Doubts swirl and tempt me to second guess a prayed over and well thought decision. 

Today, I mourn a little bit over what I have given up. Is that okay? 

This position that I had dedicated so much time to serve, was beginning to wear on me. So many things… So much strain. I was running low and finding little chance to find joy. It was exhausting. I was emotionally exhausted. Term limits aren’t all bad, you know. So, I enforced a term limit on myself. I quit.

And though there is doubt and a little bit of grief, there is also peace and relief. My soul needs to serve and to rest. I suppose that at least for this area of my life, this is my time to rest. For everything there is a season…

Today, I’m granting myself a bit of recovery. I read a book just for fun. I took time to have a pedicure session with my little girl. I read Farmer Boy to my little boy. I listened to my two big kids play their music without my usual frustration over the noise. I did laundry, too. You know that never stops in a full house.

Grace is a beautiful thing. It’s unmerited favor. These ladies I served with accepted my resignation with grace. They had every right to be upset that I needed to step away. And yet, they were gracious. They allowed room for my needs and loved me anyway. Loved me, even broken…

Sometimes, it’s okay to be a quitter. There are seasons in our lives when we need to breathe… When we need to remember where we left our smile... When we need to be willing to let go of a good gift knowing God is leading us to do the things He has planned for us. 

Finding peace, today.

Resting today in the knowledge that “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago,” Ephesians 2:10. He made me, crafted the who I am, and HE has plans for my life. 

Today, I rest.